So far, we have talked about some common factors that can cause social anxiety. Whilst these factors are important to think about, many of them can’t be changed. For example, we can’t choose our genetics or go back and undo our childhood experiences. To overcome social anxiety, it is therefore helpful to consider the things that maintain it in the present. We touched on a few of these things in the above section, but we will cover them in more depth below.

When simplified, social anxiety boils down to a misrepresentation of threat/danger (we overestimate it) and our ability to cope (we underestimate it). There are a few things that keep this pattern going, including:

Biased attention

When you’re feeling anxious about a social situation, where do you tend to focus your attention? Do you pay attention to the topic of conversation and your surroundings, or do you tend to focus more on your discomfort? Most people with social anxiety have an ‘attentional bias’, which means they focus on things that make their anxiety worse. This includes things about themselves (physical symptoms and negative thoughts) and their environment that might signal social danger (e.g., a person looking at them strangely or laughing). 

Oftentimes, this information is misinterpreted (i.e., the person was actually laughing at a joke someone had told them) and used to confirm underlying unhelpful thoughts and beliefs (e.g., people can see I’m anxious, they must think I’m strange).  The effects of this are increased anxiety and self-consciousness and decreased social performance. After all, how can you perform a task (e.g., make a speech, play a sport) or be fully present in a conversation with someone if you are focused on danger and discomfort, rather than on the task at hand. 

Unhelpful thoughts and beliefs

We touched on this topic briefly when we introduced the model of social anxiety. You have probably noticed that you start to feel anxious when you have anxious thoughts about a social situation, or any situation for that matter. There is a lot of evidence to support the idea that our thoughts play a significant role in how we feel. Thoughts can come in the form of words (e.g., telling yourself you’ll make a fool of yourself) or images (e.g., memories or images of a situation playing out badly). The problem with our thoughts in social anxiety treatment is that they are biased towards the negative and therefore create a lot of discomfort for no good reason!

An important aspect of thinking that influences social anxiety treatment is your perception of how you come across to others. When we trace it back, the feeling of being uncomfortable in front of others often originates from thoughts about looking bad, appearing highly anxious or performing poorly. You might think you sound ‘stupid’ or that your physical symptoms (e.g., flushed face, sweating, trembling) are blatantly obvious. The reality is that you probably come across far better than you think, and most of the time, people are generally unaware of the things you’re stressing about. Nevertheless, this way of thinking works to increase your sense of social danger, further heighten your stress response, and keep your anxiety going. 

Avoidance and safety behaviours

It is understandable to want to avoid feeling anxious, after all, it’s a difficult emotion to sit with. In order to get rid of anxiety, many people with social anxiety try to avoid or escape social situations to prevent their fears from eventuating. However, as we touched on above, avoidance, escape and safety behaviours only work to maintain the symptoms of social anxiety. Whilst they can provide some temporary relief in the short term, these behaviours are life limiting and prevent people from gathering evidence to challenge their beliefs. 

Let’s take an example. Say that you fear public speaking because you believe you’ll show signs of anxiety, freeze up and embarrass yourself. You predict people will laugh and make fun of you afterwards. So, you do everything within your power to avoid public speaking. You call in sick for work, skip class, and come up with every excuse under the sun to avoid speaking in front of people. In one instance, you worked up the courage to start presenting, but left for the restroom after a few minutes and didn’t return (escape behaviour). Each time you avoid or escape public speaking, you reinforce your belief that it is unsafe and that you wouldn’t have coped or survived.

But what if you do go ahead with all the presentations, yet your intense fear of public speaking remains? It is likely that you’re engaging in some form of partial avoidance, or what we call ‘safety behaviour’. Safety behaviours are things you do within social situations to try and prevent your fears from coming true. For example, you might try to avoid eye contact, talk very quickly, deflect questions, or take anti-anxiety medication prior to the presentation. While you may feel that these things helped you to ‘survive’ the situation, they actually prevented you from learning that the situation was safe, and that you could have coped without them.

Lack of opportunity to develop social skills 

As we have learned, people with social anxiety often avoid social situations as a way to manage their anxiety. This means they have less exposure to social situations and, therefore, less opportunity to develop their social skills. If avoidance isn’t possible, safety behaviours such as staying quiet, making excuses to leave, or asking a lot of questions to avoid having to talk about personal information are often used. These behaviours make us less engaged in the situation and can send the message to others that we are disinterested in them. This can also limit opportunities for ongoing social interactions.

Without repeat exposure to a range of different social situations, it is harder to develop skills like assertiveness, social confidence, and the ability to get others to like you. The more you avoid, the more you may begin to see yourself as socially inept, and vice versa. Furthermore, many people with social anxiety have had negative past experiences ranging from social embarrassment to bullying and trauma. By avoiding social situations, people limit their chances of having more positive social interactions and what therapists call ‘corrective experiences’. 

So, there you have it. Hopefully by now you have a better understanding of social anxiety and the key factors that keep it alive. As we mentioned above, knowledge really is power here. Now that you know what is keeping you stuck, you can take action to change these things. In the weeks to come, you will learn skills that aim to target (and reverse) each of the factors that currently keep your social anxiety going.